goldencharms | FOR INFY!!!

[ when he reaches out to pinch him, what had started as just a little bit of corporealness fades just as quickly. his hand phasing through Kalim, who seems to fade away just a little bit as he watches him. His expression is studying, almost unreadable for him, ]

Maybe that's how it normally is... I don't know why you could see me suddenly.

[ he's a little concerned, and reaches up to Jamil, miming cupping his face, as his hands seem to lose their shape, as he fades a little with that acceptance of death. ]

Let's go on that walk. Someone's gotta be there, right...?? I don't want you to be alone.

[It feels like his throat is being crushed in a slowly tightening vise, struggling to breathe as he swallows down a rising sense of panic. This doesn't make sense. They had touched only a moment ago, hadn't they? Even when it comes to magic, the laws of nature don't just change on a whim when nothing else about the situation has changed! So why?! What could possibly make Kalim more or less corporeal, more or less visible, more or less..... cohesive? Even ghosts shouldn't be so indistinct! Either they linger in the mortal realm, or they return to the Spectral Realm. Period. The End.]

I..... guess we may as well, since we're here. But I'm not exactly alone anymore, am I?

That's true!! I wanna stay as long as I can, too!

[ getting out of the car is easy for him, it's like... falling backwards, no need to even open the door. he just steps back, cheerful. Not realizing that Jamil is struggling. ]

What kind of tour is this??

Right.....

[Of course Kalim wants to stay. That's all he's ever wanted, isn't it? And yet the moment Jamil himself had tried to escape, even temporarily..... What a sick, twisted joke. He can't even laugh. A trip like this certainly can't make him happy, now..... But maybe Kalim will be.

Jamil climbs out of the car and locks up, almost in a daze, hands staying tucked in his pockets as he puts away his keys; better he doesn't show the way his nails are digging into his palms to keep himself steady. He can do this. He can just..... lead the way, and talk about what he had researched. That's simple. It's easy. It's.....

It's not even remotely fine. He desperately doesn't want to be here anymore, even as he puts one foot in front of the other.]

It's..... a nature tour. The Seven Jeweled Hills are unique in their magestone formations; the microscopic crystals that grow here are flecked throughout the rock. They're so small that trying to mine them would just grind them into useless powder--but there are so many creating so much ambient magic that the land and water themselves supposedly glow like gems whenever it's dark.

It's home to plenty of protected magical plants and direbeasts. People claim the air and water here have all sorts of mystical benefits--but they also claim that it got its name from every one of the Great Seven apparently making a pilgrimage here at some point in their lives. So who knows?

Woah!

[ he turns to look towards the hills then, ]

This would definitely be the kind of place I'd want to visit! I wonder if you can see them glowing already??

[ he steps in front of Jamil, half tempted to break off, but stops himself, and turns around, reaching out to grab his sleeve. there's a moment where it looks like his hand might phase through-- but he seems to be solid again, as he tugs him along ]

Come on, come on!! I bet everyone's just inside already!

Wh--inside where? All the trails are outdoors?

[He seriously doubts anything will be glowing, save perhaps the shadows, when the sun is so high in the sky--the hills might be sparkling from reflecting all that light, though? It's the reason he'd booked himself for a midday trip, as well as one well past sunset. His camera is still sitting in his luggage, in fact--but somehow, the very idea of bringing it along is distasteful. Something like this..... he doesn't think he'll be able to enjoy their surroundings, no matter how beautiful. Nor does he really..... want to hold onto memories of this trip, if he's honest.

Thinking about being out here, when he at best will need to help with funeral preparations once he gets back home, and at worst won't have a place to go back to at all..... These memories will only taste like bile and ash on his tongue.

Strange how grim his thoughts are, compared to how comically he stumbles over his own feet as Kalim pulls him along. He's not exactly the most focused right now, after all--how can he be, when he's not expecting Kalim to be solid again? It's almost like nothing is wrong with him at all, when Kalim is acting like this. Doesn't he realize the situation he's in?]

Oh, right!

[ a pause, and he slows down for a moment. Wait... he was able to touch Jamil again?? He looks more seriously at where his arm is grabbing Jamil's, staring a little bit in disbelief. he hadn't thought anything of it when he reached out.

but he doesn't want to let go, not like when he couldn't touch his face anymore. he doesn't want to leave Jamil behind, and he's struck with the sudden fear that he will. And that everything will be gone soon.

It's like he short circuits. he doesn't want to die, but he knows it's going to happen, and he wants to enjoy every moment. but he doesn't want to be a ghost. and he doesn't want to abandon Jamil.

it's so quiet, but the thoughts in his head are so hard to ignore, he can't even remember what they were talking about. ]

[Whew, finally a moment to regain his balance. Not that actually being able to walk properly again leaves him feeling any less unbalanced at heart, given the circumstances..... What is he even supposed to say, at this point? What can he possibly do? At best, any words or gestures he could offer would ring hollow and false. At worst..... Kalim might actually realize how furious he should be with him.

Is that even possible? It's hard to imagine Kalim genuinely angry. It's..... unsettling, in a way he's not sure he could explain if he tried--much like how seeing the wind sucked out of Kalim's sails now leaves him feeling so viscerally uncomfortable. For once, Jamil doesn't try to pull out of Kalim's grasp; he simply hunches his shoulders awkwardly, lengthening his stride to catch up and ensure Kalim doesn't have to drag him. Today..... they can go together, can't they?]

... Ah, sorry!

[ he should move, that's right. He turns to look towards the hills. surely, they will be glowing. though, should he let Jamil go? He realizes now, selfishly, he doesn't want to let go. but Jamil wanted this trip for himself. Not to have to entertain him.

but what if next time, he can't grab him...?

he swallows nervously, his grip loosening, becoming more incorporeal as he overthinks it ]

.....We won't find anyone waiting here. Come on.

[Somehow, Jamil can't find it in himself to smile, no matter how often he plasters them on for the sake of politeness or empty flattery in his daily life. He can at least try to offer some semblance of reassurance at least, even if he couldn't possibly believe his own words any less--it seems like the only thing he can do, feeling Kalim's grasp grow gradually more insubstantial and cold.

They're not going to find anyone out there. They're not going to find anything out there. Jamil knows that with more certainty than he should, heavy and cold in the pit of his stomach. How pretty the landscape is does nothing to alleviate his anxiety--especially when the farther they go, the lovelier and wilder it seems to get. A popular tourist attraction shouldn't have a trail that gets rougher and more overgrown, should it? The wilderness shouldn't be trying to reclaim this place, as though they're the only ones who have wandered through some distant, isolated grove in recent memory. There's a paved parking lot not that far away, for the Seven's sake.]

It’s so pretty…

[ the best part of going where it’s more wild; there are more wild flowers strewn in and plants and hanging vines— the sort of things you could only see in the fanciest of garden in the Scalding Sands.

Kalim’s seen well kept gardens, but something like this seems precious and worth appreciating.

But better yet, it distracts him. And while his form doesn’t get anymore solid, it doesn’t seem as on the verge of disappearing as it did before. He lets go of Jamil’s arm to wander away, to see some of the plants with a smile.

He would’ve liked to come someplace like this before… but he’s glad he got to see it anyway. ]

This already was a really good idea, and we haven’t even gotten that far!

[ he says, turning on his heel wildly to grin at Jamil, hands and one leg extended in excitement ]

Let’s go, let’s go!

[ and off he darts, further down the path, disappearing around a bend ]

D-don't just run off on your own! You'll get lost!

[And isn't that a strange thought? You shouldn't be able to get lost somewhere so well-traveled..... and yet, it feels like there's a very real threat of the path disappearing entirely at any moment, swallowed up by undergrowth until they find themselves somewhere they're not meant to go at all. This isn't looking like any of the photographs he'd seen while researching. Sure, it's pretty, but.....

It's not right. It's not supposed to be like this. It's not what he'd expected, and more than anything else, Jamil hates surprises. Hasn't enough gone horribly wrong already today? He can't even be glad that Kalim has perked back up, when he immediately finds himself running to catch up with the boy to make sure they don't get separated. What the hell would he do if he ended up really all alone out here?]

[ he stops only when he gets to one of the glowing and sparkling areas, the flowers even more colorful there. Easy to catch up with him, and he looks more physically there than he has the whole time.

He just wants to see as much of this as possible. It’s too soon for him to go, they’ve only just started. ]

Look, Jamil! Isn’t it pretty??

[Of course Kalim would run in a space where only he doesn't need to worry about tripping over rocks and roots. Isn't that just like him, glossing over anything inconvenient and leaving the rest of them scrambling to compensate? Ugh! Where are they even going in such a hurry? Kalim can't even enjoy the scenery if he's going this fast! If he trips, he really will lose sight of him, and then what?

Jamil is panting and ruffled by the time they stop, nearly pitching headfirst into water that shimmers like molten magestone from trying to stop so abruptly. The branches weaving overhead create an awful lot of natural shade..... But it doesn't feel dark, does it? Not with glittering rocks, and clusters of lanternblossoms growing along the water's edge, and wildflowers in fantastic colors that nature alone couldn't possibly produce.]

I..... I guess? What were you thinking, rushing off like that?

I wanted to see more. I haven’t been to a place like this before.

[ he says easily, turning to face him. ]

And then when I looked around, I understood why you wanted to go to this place too.

[ or maybe he didn’t, that causes a moment of hesitation, but he brushes past it to keep talking with enthusiasm. ]

This place is almost the opposite of the desert, while still being on land, right? But the way it sparkles reminds me of the desert in moonlight. So, it’s just different enough…

I’m glad I got to see this with you.

[ without thinking… he leans up and kisses his cheek ]

[Does Kalim actually understand why he wanted to come here? Does Jamil really understand why himself, even? He wanted.....

He doesn't know. Even as far away from the Scalding Sands as he can physically get, even in an environment as different from the desert as it could possibly be, even seeing the world with nobody and nothing to weigh him down..... He doesn't feel any better. None of this has managed to actually make him feel free, let alone happy. And mysterious circumstances aside, just look at what this idiocy has cost them. Kalim is.....

Kissing him? Why? He doesn't deserve this. He's the last person Kalim should--should be--

For a moment, his heart freezes in his chest. Jamil turns away to hide how his eyes start to burn, struggling futilely to keep his voice even.]

Wh-what are you doing?

You don't like it?

[ oops, he pulls back... ]

Sorry... I really wanted to.

I..... You're wasting your time.

[With this. With him. How can he tell if he likes it, when it ties his stomach in knots?]

We both are. I should be on a plane back right now.

What?

[ he looks back up at him, shocked. ]

Why?? Isn't this the vacation you've been looking forward to all this time?

And look what happened because of it! Do you honestly think I can just stay here now?!

[There's no reason for him to be angry at Kalim. Kalim should be angry with him, if anything. But something feels like it's twisting and fraying and splintering inside him, like a jackal tearing its prey limb from limb. He can't help the way tears spill hot or his voice abruptly raises, facade of calm control shattering under the force of it.]

What do you think is happening back home right now?! I'll be lucky if the only thing that's waiting is planning a funeral!

Huh…?

Why would you be planning anything?

[ he stares at him, oddly calm about this ]

Whatever happened, it was inevitable, right? And more importantly, you’re here. It’s not your fault.

It hasn't even been a full day. Do you realize that? The second I took my eyes off of you, tragedy strikes. Even you can't possibly be naive enough to actually believe this was a coincidence!

[How can Kalim be so calm about this? How does he even explain in a way he could understand? He can't just..... ignore the fact that he'd abandoned his responsibilities. He'd abandoned Kalim. He'd wanted to run away, even just for a little while..... How selfish can you possibly be?

It seems even less appropriate, trying to explain the dread of going home, given the state of Kalim right now. Everyone in the estate is going to be involved in the funeral of the heir, obviously--it can't possibly be a small scale event, when the Al-Asims are involved. But..... what if he no longer has a place in that household at all?]

"That's just the fate of the al-Asim heir."

[ he repeats, something he's had said to him his whole life... He doesn't understand what Jamil is getting at?? ]

There wasn't really anything either of us could do??

That's why you have me!

[.....Had. Had him.

That's why it had been so important that he never leave his side, especially for something so frivolous. That's why he had worked and worried all these years--because he and the others weren't just servants, were they? They were shields. They protected Kalim and the rest of the family from fate, no matter how inevitable it seemed, until the battle simply proved more than a match for them.]

No, that's not it at all!

[ he protests immediately. The last thing he ever thought of Jamil as was-- some sort of protection against everything that he'd ever had to do.

If anything, he hated that more than simply suffering through it. ]

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