goldencharms | for @snizier

[There are two wolves inside Jamil. One wants to leave Kalim to struggle, let him figure out what to do about the essay--muddle through a failing grade in a collaboration with Silver, most likely--let him really appreciate the extent to which Jamil has been propping up his academic career. Watch him flounder a little.

The other knows that Kalim will inevitably come crawling to him for help anyway, and it's better to get ahead of that before Kalim procrastinates too much and Jamil has that much more to salvage. Jamil isn't that far into his own notes anyway; helping Kalim along will also organize his own thoughts, and don't they say that teaching others is the best way to learn? Besides, it's still better for them both if Kalim keeps his grades up...

Jamil heaves a sigh.]

Go get your textbook and your notes, if you've even made any. We can work on it together.

Eh?

[ he looks surprised, and then quickly waves his hands in front of him, trying to dismiss the help for now ]

I appreciate it, but I can’t make you do everything for me! Especially not when I haven’t really tried yet…

[ he trails off. Though, he does want to spend more time with Jamil. He just also… can’t ask him to ignore his homework, especially when Jamil’s being so diligent… ]

I’m sure it’ll be fine, I was just really tired last night.

[Kalim protesting is actually more annoying than him just taking Jamil for granted. Jamil waves a hand dismissively the moment Kalim starts talking.]

It's fine. I've barely started anyway, so it won't set me back too much. Just go get your materials.

[And DON'T argue. He's made up his mind.]

Ah... It's like you've made up your mind...

[ he says absentmindedly, and whatever guilt he felt, he lets drop almost immediately. ]

Okay! I wanted to spend more time with you anyway.

[ his tone is light, and this ends up being exactly what he wanted. He could make it up to Jamil for covering for him later... in... some way. He nods, and immediately turns, eager to get his books as soon as possible. If Jamil's explaining it, it'll definitely make sense, after all. ]

[Because he has made up his mind, Kalim, keep up. As Kalim goes to get his books, Jamil almost reminds him that the point of this isn't to spend time together, but he decides better of it--it's not like Kalim is going to listen to him anyway.

Gathering his own books, Jamil follows Kalim to his room out of habit. It's always much easier to study there: it's larger and there's no risk of being interrupted. He can't help but spare a glance to where the plate of chocolate must have been set by the threshold--what had been the point of that? But they have more important things to worry about now.]

Just spread everything out on the floor. We can start by making an outline. Have you chosen a topic yet?

Nope!

[ he says cheerfully. But he's already lifting his books out of his bag, and setting then on the table, quickly reading through the titles on the side. ]

There were a few things that sounded like they could be interesting, but... I didn't get far.

[ another half embarrassed laugh as he pulls the right book out. truthfully, they had some time, so he wasn't so worried about it. And even this, it was for school, but... truthfully there was a warm feeling in his chest, that Jamil would still take time to help him.

He approaches the center of the room, and sits down on one of the cushions, crossing his legs. ]

You've probably already chosen one, huh?

Well, the obvious choice is divination techniques, but when we got the assignment Azul just assumed I'd pick that and now I don't want to.

[That falls out of his mouth without meaning to. Normally Jamil is a little better about keeping his rudeness to himself. He must be really tired.]

Ah--I mean, I've been brainstorming a few options, so we can pick together.

[ oh, Kalim looks a little surprised, and tilts his head. ]

That was really honest of you... Are you tired?

[ he leans forward, closer to Jamil. no, he doesn't even look that stressed, compared to what he's seen? ]

Huh... You don't look all that tired though...

I'm not tired.

[Which is true. So the mystery remains. He leans away from Kamil leaning in, just on principle.]

Stop trying to not do homework. What are you even looking at?

Your face!!

[ zero hesitation. Just intently staring. ]

I like looking at it-- and if you'll lie about how stressed you are, I don't wanna miss it again.

[ wait... ah, that was too much, and he immediately blinks and leans back. Jamil didn't chasten him but he almost looks as if he regrets what he just said? ]

Ahh... Sorry, that was too much.

[Jamil immediately goes bright red.]

Wh--huh?!

[Kalim has no filter at the best of times, but this is really something else. He scoots away another couple of inches and--it's a good thing he's still wearing his jacket--shoves his hood over his head as hard as he can. If nobody can see him blushing then it's not happening!! Try looking at his face now, Kalim!!!!!

Obviously the move here is to act as if Kalim had said something completely normal and Jamil had a completely normal reaction to it.] You're the only thing here stressing me out! [Fuck!] U-Um, I was also thinking about early animal kingdom diplomatic relations or ancient artifacts!

[ a pout at first. why does he do that!! why does he hide his face?? but Kalim blinks when he speaks, his demeanor changes into confusion. concern. ]

Eh? I am??

[ no, he's not interested in his other topic considerations.

he was trying not to stress him out. ]

[Okay, he didn't mean it like that. Leave it to Kalim's kicked puppy face to make him feel bad.]

I just meant--don't just say things like that! It sounds weird!

I didn’t mean to!!

[ he protests, glancing down ]

I was just thinking it and it came out.

[ wait. He didn’t mean to say that much either. ]

So you’re sure it’s just that?

Aside from the usual? Yes, I'm sure.

[Ugh! Why can't he stop saying things? Now Kalim is sure to have follow up questions since he didn't deny being stressed--]

[--he sighs.]

I don't to talk about this right now, Kalim. Getting homework done is what will help me be less stressed, okay?

The usual?

[ of course he wants to know more, Jamil didn't deny it, even though he did try to move on. Still, Kalim's expression is concerned. He'd been trying to not stress him out, but were things really still the same? ]

What do you mean?

[Jamil is so tired of this conversation. Why can't Kalim just take a hint? He just said he doesn't want to talk about it--]

School, this project, midterms are around the corner, the last club scrimmage was horrible, and on top of that I still have to look after y--

[He clamps his mouth shut, obviously too late to not do the damage, but worst of all is he hadn't meant to say any of that and now Kalim is naturally going to have upset follow up questions when this still is the last thing he wants to talk about. Something is wrong and he isn't going to figure out what as long as Kalim keeps distracting him with questions that Jamil apparently has to compulsively answer?!

Jamil's hand immediately shoots out and clamps over Kalim's mouth, regardless of if he was about to say anything or not. It gives him an excuse to dodge explaining himself, and maybe if he can change the subject quickly enough Kalim will forget he said it.]

--No. Shut up and let me think. Something is wrong.

[ "look after you"? Had that been what he was about to say? Kalim wants to ask something, and almost gets it out, but then his mouth is covered. But stubbornly, Kalim pushes his hand down, ]

Eh? What do you mean?

[ he tries to withhold the hurt in his voice, but there's only so much he can do when the answer is so sudden and unexpected. ]

Am I putting too much pressure on you again?

[ he doesn't even have time to interrogate how he phrased that, honestly. ]

No! [Jamil's hand goes right back over Kalim's mouth.] I just said to let me think!

[Jamil retraces the steps of the last several moments in his mind, trying to decide if his suspicion they're under some sort of spell has any merit. In truth, there's been nothing overt--his own impulses feel so ambiguous that he can't tell if he really is dealing with compulsion or exhaustion.

Which means it's time to test it.]

Kalim, I need to figure something out. Will you stop asking questions if I take my hand back?

[ he wants to ask questions, because this seems important. But he stares at Jamil and finally, slowly nods.

he can ask questions after he's finished thinking, that's what he'll do. ]

Okay.

[Slowly, suspiciously, Jamil removes his hand, like he's expecting Kalim to just bust out with chatter anyway. When he doesn't, Jamil rocks back on his heels and considers how to proceed.

Finally, after a few moments of silence:]

Ask me a question you already know the answer to. Something simple.

[ okay. He looks at Jamil, very serious. There are still questions he wants to ask about what he just said. But Jamil wanted to test something, didn't he?

He seems to be thinking about it a little too long, though, pressing a hand to his chin. ]

Why did you say it wasn't good to go into the garden shed?? I never really understand that...

[Jamil blinks in surprise at the question before his brow furrows in confusion.]

What garden shed? Wait--are you talking about when we were kids and were trying to hide from the cook? There's no way I was going in there, I heard the groundskeeper say it was full of spiders.

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