MWM - inbox

[goldencharms]

this is kalim pls lv a msg

Comments

Re: day 36, very late

[aididitmyway]

I—I guess, but...

No one's ever worried about me. They've only ever—said it's a problem... so it's... gotta be one, right?

Re: day 36, very late

[goldencharms]

[ oh, is it a problem..? He frowns.

He doesn’t think so. He wants her to have a long, happy life. And she can’t do that if she bottles everything in, can she? ]

It’s definitely not.

Re: day 36, very late

[aididitmyway]

[hey shouldn't you think that about yourself, kalim]

Mother always said it did.

[Notable difference in terms used, it's not "mama" like she does for Ai.]

Re: day 36, very late

[goldencharms]

Mother…?

[ he notices but also, doesn’t quite get it ]

Re: day 36, very late

[aididitmyway]

When I was sick. Not mama.

Re: day 36, very late

[goldencharms]

... OH!

Your past life... Sarina.

Re: day 36, very late

[aididitmyway]

... Yeah.

So... I'm sorry. I'm just... always a problem. For wanting too much. Not thinking about you. I stopped being careful. I shouldn't have.

Re: day 36, very late

[goldencharms]

Not thinking about me...??

[ ... there's something cold in his chest ]

What do you mean...?

Re: day 36, very late

[aididitmyway]

... You... I—I let you down, right? By making you feel like you let me down? You couldn't. Ever. And that you feel like you're... responsible for it... and... like it's your fault if something happens to me and it's not, but it's still because of me—

[she's burying her face back in the pillow, and her next words are muffled]

I need... to get better...

Re: day 36, very late

[goldencharms]

...

[ he's a little quiet, trying to figure out what to say. he... really scared her. he didn't think about it-- his head felt so strange, but now that she's brought it up, that same anxiety that had been gripping his heart comes back.

it honestly takes a minute for him to even respond. ]

I'm sorry... I said some really hurtful things, and I didn't even realize it. I don't think you've let me down at all, and I don't want you to think you did.

Re: day 36, very late

[aididitmyway]

—No! It's—... I was happy you were finally saying something... because you don't...

Re: day 36, very late

[goldencharms]

[ he feels-- so dizzy, and so exhausted, and he leans against her ]

But... I don't want you to think you can't...

Re: day 36, very late

[aididitmyway]

I... used to handle it before... it's how I handled everything before I got here.

[there's... a rustling noise, but she's mostly just shifting the blanket and position so that she can pull kalim under the blanket]

Re: day 36, very late

[goldencharms]

[ it takes him a moment, but he crawls under the blanket with her... ]

But you were so open about it here...

Re: day 36, very late

[aididitmyway]

... Because it's just... so much more... I'm sorry. I—I can be better about it. I just... need some time.

Re: day 36, very late

[goldencharms]

Mmm-mm.

[ he shakes his head ]

It's better to be open about how you're feeling... right?? That way others can help you.

Re: day 36, very late

[aididitmyway]

I just don't want to be a problem. Or make things worse. Or make you think like whatever you say doesn't matter.

Re: day 36, very late

[goldencharms]

I don't think that, though!

[ he says quickly, ]

Everyone here... they've all been really patient and kind to me. Especially you...

Re: day 36, very late

[aididitmyway]

I just... want the best for you. I don't want to hurt you like I hurt everyone else important to me. And I've said bad things I never should've said because you said that you feel like a failure when you can't protect me and—

[helplessly:]

I love you. I shouldn't make you feel any of that.

Re: day 36, very late

[goldencharms]

Ruby...

[ he feels guilty. if she doesn't feel like she can express herself... given everything... a sniff ]

I'm not good at explaining m-myself... even when it's something really easy... I didn't want you to think any of that. I promise.

Re: day 36, very late

[aididitmyway]

... I just don't want you to start hiding everything again... or... maybe not hiding, but not talking about it...

What you feel matters.

Re: day 36, very late

[goldencharms]

Huh...?

[ wait, no, that's not what she needs right now, even if he doesn't understand.

not talking about it...? but he can't think of what else to say ]

Re: day 36, very late

[aididitmyway]

What you feel matters.

I'm sorry if I ever made you feel like it doesn't. So... I don't... I don't know what to do, Kalim. I don't want to be the reason you keep... taking on more blot or something. Or if I say something and it turns out to be bad, like the luck thing. I didn't realize what I was doing, and that was stupid and—

[she sniffs, holding back a sob.]

Re: day 36, very late

[goldencharms]

You aren't the reason...

[ he doesn't know what to say, though. everything he said had hurt her, and that wasn't what he wanted. he still doesn't want that...

he takes a deep breath ]

You wouldn't!! We're just... in a really bad situation. You make me feel a lot better, Ruby. I promise.

Re: day 36, very late

[aididitmyway]

[weakly:]

... I do?